I was rushing really fast. Rushing hard. Pushing myself.
I wasn’t happy with where I was because everyone and everything was telling me I should want something different. You watch TV. You have family. You know what I mean!
I was really wearing myself thin in an effort to have more “success” with my career and make big changes (“progress”) with my life.
Do you do this to yourself?
I said to myself every day, “I’ll relax once I’m all set in the life that I want.”
My boyfriend wants money and things, too. But, he wants love, laughter and passion to make up a big part of his life. And he shapes his day around experiencing more of those things.
I’ve never seen anything like it. He is unlike anyone I’ve ever met in this respect. He is 100% committed to enjoying his day, moment by moment. And he doesn’t focus on what is going wrong, or could go wrong.
A hypothetical conversation between the two of us:
I said, “I’ll be happy when I make my life exactly what I think it should be.”
He said, “Be happy now because life is wonderful.”
“Look around you. You have everything you need to be comfortable and you get to spend everyday doing exactly what you have chosen to do…”
“You are doing it.” he says.
I said, “No I’m not.”
“I’m not living in the house that I’m meant to be living in. I’m not making the money that I want to be making and I’m not doing everything that I want to be doing.”
“I want to travel more and entertain friends in my home and have my own garden. I want to laugh more and see more and do more.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Look how inspired by life you are! Look at how passionate you are!” he says. “You are on the journey and you are working towards all of this, getting closer every day.”
“Besides, you do have an herb garden on the balcony. You go out with friends all the time. You have a home to invite them to but you haven’t yet. We travel all the time – we went to Joshua Tree last month, we’ve been to the beach twice this month. You’ve been home to Virginia 4 times this year to visit family, you took a road trip across the country last summer. You are traveling a lot.”
I respond, “But, my garden isn’t big enough. And I don’t think our apartment is big enough or pretty enough to invite friends and we don’t travel enough, or to the places I really want to go, like Hawaii, Aruba, Mexico, Portland, London and Italy.”
Okay, you get my point.
Who else has a mind that works like this?
After months of this, or more like my whole life, I am starting to see another way of thinking.
Last month in particular, something in me “gave up” a little bit of the chase.
I gave up trying and pushing so hard. Do you know what I mean?
I am doing exactly what I’ve chosen to do everyday.
I do work for myself, on my own time. I do get to write about health and create recipes and teach workshops every day of my life.
I do live in a small but cozy, comfortable and safe apartment where I have my own little potted herb and vegetable garden. I have the kitchen set up just how I want it and I have everything I need to make any kind of fancy pastry or stew you could ask for.
I live in a beautiful state, in a beautiful country and I have a healthy, safe car that I can take on road trips anywhere I freaking want, anytime time of year.
And I can decide to be happy today, all day, because of these things.
The glass is half full. And everyday I do more of what I love, working towards having more of what I want, need and love in my life.
My life is filling up with more love and joy with every passing moment. And soon, I’ll be able to see that the cup is overflowing.
And for right now, I need to just fucking enjoy the ride, already!
Today I am committing to turning this mindset into a habit. How about you?
Keep taking back your health,